A dear friend of mine posted this today on his Facebook wall. While he himself is grieving with a difficult loss I found it interesting he shared it.
He means no ill-will toward anyone who has passed on their condolences during this difficult time, but rather found a better way to say “I’m sorry for your loss”.
This article hit me because for some reasons I enjoy funerals. Now, before you pick up your crown of thorns and judge me (see what I did there? I reminded us all we are not the ones to judge). But hear me out. I’ve worked in medical my whole life as many of you know this from previous stories or posts. But I’ve enjoyed it. Loss or gain it’s a humbling field. It is a field that always taught you the lesson over and over again that we are not the ones in control. There is something bigger out there
I’m a, I believe you call it a “touchy-feely” kind of person, physical contact is a very normal part of my daily life. My kids, my husband, my family, my friends, and all of my patients.
Even my love language is physical touch.
Don’t buy me gifts, I can buy myself what I want. Please don’t do the laundry or wash the floors, I like them done my way. And whatever you do don’t tell me you’re proud of me, because I’m here to please God not you, and He’s taught me how to be proud of myself.
But what you can do is….hold me, hug me, kiss me, hold my hand, put your hand on my shoulder or arm when consoling me, put your hand on the back of my neck, hold my face when you kiss me (one of my favorites from my hubby) and just acknowledge my need for the human touch. (Most of those are from my hubby, sorry about that).
But the words of this article really hit me because I have no problem talking to those who just lost a loved one. I’ve done it for years, I’ve never had to avoid them because I didn’t know what to say if anything I’ve needed to stop talking!
I hope this helps people who have a difficult time and even those that don’t, maybe it will help you “tweak” your wording to those who grieve. Because God knows, we all need to have our pain acknowledged so we may heal together instead of staying broken alone.