Day 20

What makes me happy. 

Really it just takes peace within, if I have a settled mind, a settled soul, when I feel no anxiety, no stress, no worry. I am happy. 

Now I know you’re thinking yeah right! No anxiety and no stress might be reachable but no worries? No way. Well, let me share my trick which really isn’t a trick at all it’s just trust. Trust in something much bigger than yourself. 

Hey newsflash!!! You are not in control! The sooner you realize that the more at peace you will be. 

Yes I have anxiety at my job, in my daily life even. Something as simply trying to clean the house, get the laundry done (and I’m talkin’ about going to the laundromat here not so easy as just switchin’ loads while I’m  vacuuming) grocery shopping, making the dessert for a dinner party tonight. Reviewing my budget and bills, heading to the doctors for a fasting lab draw for my physical Wednesday, try to make time for my daily reading which I’m already behind on, and conquer my prayers list. 

That is my day today. 

I work 45 hours a week, after work in the gym which I also turn to for my daily stressors. Bad day at work, crazy schedules, patients losing babies, marriages troubles, unhealthy babies, sad news in my patients lives since I’ve seen them last. That’s all the stress I get working in an ob/gyn office, which I take because I love my job; even the bad days. Not to mention my office consist of approximately eighty women and three men. Women need women. So on a daily basis I am checking in on my coworkers lives and taking on their stressors as they take on mine with me. It’s what we do. 

So I find ways to help me process it all. The gym, daily mediatation, prayer, and knowing that their is something way bigger than just little ol’ me out their. A something that is actually a someone. I have great faith  in Him. He takes all of my troubles at work, my anxiety throughout the day, my worries about my husband and our kids on a daily basis. Finances, plans, dreams, health, fears; he takes it all so I can just breathe. 

So I am able to walk down the street and smile and think of things I wish to do with my husband, like travel. Then I move onto dreams I hope our older daughters reach and goals our younger sons plan to make. 

Our parents’ health, our siblings and so on. And when the weight and ugliness of this world creep in as it always does, I pray even harder. I talk to Him on a daily basis and all throughout the day. 

So I can just be…….happy. 

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