I never said I was a genius.      

I moved furniture today. Only it was just one piece. Although that piece happened to be a 400 lb piano. Yep that’s right, I said a piano. It took myself; who keep in mind (I’m 5’6″ and weigh 130) I’m not exactly on the brut squad here. My husband, my ex-husband and one of his buddies. 
Before you get hung up on the “Wait did she say husband AND ex-husband”? Yes I did. The piano is for our daughters who at the age of seventeen and twenty are now taking lessons. So, hence the need for a piano. And he was helping. 
But because I’m stubborn, I wanted it in my house.
Problem: we live in an upper flat.

Solution: hire movers.

End result: four idiots who are still thanking God they didn’t die. 

Next 3 things: 

Uhaul with ramp rented. 

Moved with ease out of the previous home. 

Drive to our house. 

Okay, that wasn’t so bad. 

Now up the narrow staircase, a flight of sixteen steps. Yes sixteen, our flat was built in 1908 has been family owned ever since, very old. But purely beautiful with a lot of charm and character. It became home to us immediately. 
Back to the 88 keys. There were four of us with no other help. So it was go time. We took the door off and proceeded to our plan. I clearly couldn’t be on the top because women don’t have the upper body strength men have. It’s a fact. Look it up if any of you women you chose to argue with me here. 
So my ex and his buddy took the top while Gary and I took the bottom. 

It. Was. Hell. 

About a third of the way up we started to rethink our stupid decision. The conversation contained a few brief exchanges off, do we stop? Can we make it? What do you think? And a you make the call. Oh Lord! All I kept thinking was please God don’t don’t this thing slip. If these guys up top have one slip of the hand this thing is coming down full force on Gary and I with no where to go we are literally shoulder to wall and shoulder to shoulder and ‘Death by Piano’ is not what I want my tombstone to read. I kept telling my ex “With all the times you may have wanted to kill me, whatever you do please don’t let go”!!

All l got in return was a “Do NOT make me laugh!” 

  
 I think half way up we all hit a level of fear, and panic slowly crept in. Every step for sixteen steps was “READY, LIFT, GO”! Then a breath, or three.
There were three times we had to all stop and remember we were not 20 anymore. Hell we aren’t even in our thirties anymore! A brief pep talk of “We’re almost there” from me which was weak, unhelpful and very unmotivating didn’t help. Towards to top we climbed steep and out of breath. I could feel the piano digging into my chest and seeing the top corner of it gauge into my husbands shoulder. I was praying the banister didn’t fail me as I used it to help pull myself upward onto the next step, the guys on top were sweating and scared knowing if they do lose grip, it’s going to a nightmare scene they won’t ever forget. 

Every flash back of Looney Tunes with Acme piano drops raced through my head. 

Once we reached the top the top guys pulled with all their might, the top of the  piano lifted from us as they pulled the piano almost hoovered over Gary and I, we were taking the brunt of the weight from the bottom now until it made it level onto the stairwell landing. Almost there! One big lift, push and DAMMIT!!! The leg that I had in front me made its way closer to the wall and became wedged between the staircase railing and the wall! Shit! I moved out of the way as my husband took hold of the bottom and lifted it as high as he could while the others tried to manuver it out of the way from the top. Oh Jesus! Now we’re tipping this thing??? Someone call 911 better yet, Acme because this is unbelievable!

Yet, we succeeded.

The leg came free, th guys pulled and we pushed and all four legs hit the floor. 

I cannot believe we survived this. 

We downed as much water as we could between gaping labor pain breaths and pure adrenaline as we attempted to even speak to one another. But we did it. And we will never do it again, lesson learned. 

Today, I moved a piano up a flight of stairs. Not exactly on my bucket list but I did it and it didn’t kill me, thanks to Jesus. And for when we move, we think the piano will make a great addition to the flat. 
RENTAL: Historical upper flat. Piano included.  

 


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