Today, my sister will dress in black, she will fix her hair the way you liked it, and apply her make up flawlessly. She will, to us, effortlessly look beautiful for you, one last time.
But for her, she wears a dress she will never want to wear again, nor forget when she wore it last. She won’t ever feel you run your hand through her hair again like you did in her daily life. She will blink the tears away as she applies her mascara. Look at herself one last time in the mirror and tell herself to be strong, and that she will be able to get through her final good-bye to you, the love of her life, her dear husband, amazing father, her “Ang”.
I’ve always thought of myself as strong, independent, and self-assured. Until the day you passed that is. I sat and watched in wonder as my sister become a warrior of masks. She wore one to hold strong in doctor meetings like I’ve only seen in movies, one to be brave when your daughters asked over and over and over again, “Is Dad going to be okay?” Never growing tired in expression, always giving them the hope she grasped for so much herself saying “They are doing everything they can to make Daddy better”. Another mask to make funeral arrangements and choose your coffin, your final resting place. And another, when she was handed your wedding ring as she helped closed your casket and see your beautiful face for the last time. And the last mask she wears, is that now of, a widow with two daughters. Moving forward every day, having good days and bad days.
One day, she will smile and might even laugh again they way she did with you. One day, she may grow tired and not have the courage to face the day so she chooses your side of the bed instead. As a dear friend told me, We will pray she is not judged because one day she wears a smile, but instead we will be happy she’s having a good day.
We will pray she is not judged the days she cannot get out of bed, but instead give her a break and let her spend her day under the covers.
One day your daughters will graduate, go off to college, and in later years marry, have children of their own and she will smile and remember the day she married you, and look over at the beautiful daughters you had given her to love and enjoy.
One day, she will grow old, and she herself will become tired. And she herself, will put on a beautiful dress, fix her hair the way you liked it, and apply her make up to look beautiful for you. All the while waiting until the day she can be held in your strong, healthy arms again.
Today, and for all of my final days, my sister is my hero.
I love you beautiful sister