Violated 

I stumbled across your words today. I cannot figure out why I was so frustrated on my feelings.

Within the first admittance of your invasion, I thought it was me you were watching, I realized I wanted it to be me. Wait! What? Why? No! That feeling took me completely aback, where did that come from? What was it in you that I wanted? I needed to find what more you were up to. So I sunk into your words once again.

The more I read them, the deeper I fantasized. In the back of my mind my subconscious sat shaking her head tipping her gin martini back. I dismissed her.

My curiosity was getting the best of me. I wanted to know who she was, who you were captivated by, who you were….exploring. I began to feel jealous. I pushed that emotion out of my mind and went back to your words.

You may have felt me there, when I was away. But it is I who feels you here now.  I know it wasn’t me, but I wanted it to be. Wanted you.

My mind raced as I pictured you reading over my words, feeling my emotions, finding my secrets. Was my writing good enough for you? Did you feel what I desired you to feel? Did I please you? My inner goddess awoke and swayed hip to hip from the the bedroom suddenly interested. Seated on the chaise in her lace attire with her lip curling up on one side in her own devilish manner wondering, just how many secrets you did find? Two maybe three? What if while you were so ever carefully learning about me, you found my deepest and darkest secrets? She crossed her legs a bit tighter holding within those deep wanting emotions and bit her lower lip. Suddenly I became completely insecure! Oh god no! My inner goddess stood furious with me, she turned abruptly on her stilettos heading back to the bedroom slamming the door. Suddenly, I felt I was this raw and exposed piece of unfinished work, naked for you to just gaze upon as you desired. Walking around me tapping your finger on your lip as if you were approving every inch of me, my work, my faults and my failures, all in the privacy of my own little world.

I was lost at how I felt, exposed? Flattered? Violated? Incomplete?

You did intrude upon me, you left me speechless, you left me wanting.


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